you can't spell irrational without rational

Most people's minds work in an orderly fashion.
Decisions are made through a logical process:

1. A problem is at hand
2. You consider the facts
3. Weigh the options
4. Choose the best decision based on what is known.

This is how my mind works. Whatever decision I am making it goes through this motion to arrive at a logical conclusion. A rational process with a rational result. But what happens when you throw an irrational factor into the mix? Or what if the entire problem is irrational? Logic is rendered useless and the mind can only provide arguments for both sides of the equation but never a solution. This has been one of my biggest struggles and it continually returns to test me and more often than not, defeats my rationalisation and rubs it in the dirt.

How do you deal with it? I have no idea. More than ever I am trying to think carefully about my choices and what the consequences may be. But sometimes you have to put aside all the 'for' and 'against' arguments in order to move forward. It's sort of like investing- you know the risk profile of an asset, it may be high or it may be low but there's no such thing as a zero risk investment. In the end, if you want the return you need to take a risk. In my case, I need to stop thinking about the other factors and chase after a reward, which in the end, may not be there.

Irrationality, risk and failure. The biggest fears of a person accustomed to logical reasoning. But I need to move beyond these limits if I am ever going to have a chance of finding reward. That leaves only one question to be answered:

"Is the reward worth the risk?"

Yes. Without a doubt.

1 year and 3 months later

It's been 1 year and 3 months since my last blog- so what's happened since?

It's my final semester as a university student. Naturally you'd assume that I'd be getting drunk every week and going nuts with parties. Unfortunately I'm buried 3ft in work, trying to study for exams and complete assignments on time. If anything, I'm working harder than ever as it's my last chance to improve my 'barely above average' grades. But I'm okay with the work. I've come to understand and appreciate that nothing worthwhile ever comes easy and that genuine strength is only gained under pressure.

So far the most important lesson 2008 has taught is about the reality of living, about how hard it is to achieve your goals and that there will always be someone better than you. More importantly I've learned how things will change with the most unexpected catalysts- in my case, a change friendships. So far this year I've been rejected by dozens of employers, been the 2nd choice of one company (and accepted), served a subpoena for court, witnessed a drastic change in friendships and witnessed the aftermath of some stupid decisions. It's been a big year and for the most of it, it's been a good year. I'm continually learning new things about myself and about other people.

The biggest challenge I'm faced with right now is the question of balance. I continually ask myself "what price are you willing to pay?Your social life? your friends? your family? a relationship?". I know people have achieved their goals with balance but I wonder if I'm capable of it. I guess I'll just have to work at it and hopefully come up with an answer that won't result in social isolation (or is that the solution to this problem?).

Well that's it for tonight kids. I'll end this post like I used to in high school, with a quote.

"An explanation of cause is not a justification by reason."- C.S. Lewis